Phish Phood
by unjaundiced
Summary: It was a brisk autumn day when Iruka really MET Kakashi. The ninken were a new dimension too. Cue philosophic pondering and maybe a little redemption. The start of a small series of stand-alones. Warning, it's LONG.


Part of a, possibly, small series I'm working on called "Seasons in the Sun" under the "Food for Thought" sub-header. Plan on more appearance from this universe sometime within our lifetimes.

Warning, it IS long. There's a shorter, somewhat similar but still different, version I wrote in the middle of writing this. The notes are at the end and are practically a ficlet in themselves. I will be using Japanese if I feel it's necessary and will try to provide vocabulary lists at the end for some of the words. The rest should be intuitive.

* * *

**Food For Thought :: Phish Phood**

Iruka sighed in the brisk afternoon air. Fall was in full swing, but winter was swooping in with the vengeance of a starving eagle. The trees, a brilliant flourish of reds, golds, and greens, wore coats of frost from dusk to dawn. Even midday pulled white puffs from the mouths of the villagers. It didn't stop the children of the village from play or pre-Genin from attempting to sneak out of class to play pranks though.

One such prank was the reason Iruka was on his way home instead of teaching afternoon classes. An Inuzuka Genin had decided to play a prank on his pre-Genin cousin and set off a series of exploding paint tags. Needless to say, the explosions had tripped the sprinkler system which itself was in dire need of an overhaul. Paint and unstoppable water-generating chakra tags had flooded classrooms for hours all morning. It had taken until noon for the situation to come under control and the students wrangled. Escapees hadn't been accounted for until almost one.

At that point, the teachers chalked the day up as a loss, had the students and the prankster Inuzuka's Genin team flush the building with buckets of water, mopped everything down as best they could, hung all paper products to dry, and left the building to air itself out. Iruka was seriously hoping there wouldn't be mold or nesting animals in his classroom the next morning. Drying and re-oiling all the practice weapons while the students had been taking care of the halls had already taken enough time. He wasn't about to turn into a pest control manager on top of that.

Iruka hefted his satchel and turned right at a building with a bright red, newly-painted roof. He had the rest of the day off and wasn't too eager to hurry home. He was going to take the scenic route through the streets of older districts.

Around him, weathered walls soared to cap the sky, small roofs running their lengths like spines on a dragon. Small vines wound their way up between gapped boards and split stone. Late-hibernating butterflies flit in and out of the shadows, kissing bright yellow flowers and decorating the dimmer alleys with flecks of flickering rainbows. In some places, some of the more abandoned sections of wall had started to disintegrate and tumble down, offering tantalizing glimpses of once-venerated compounds. At far-spread intervals, small doorways would reveal themselves, some heavily enrobed in vines and genjutsu tags and barely visible. Others still carried their nafuda and choume. Some of these compounds had been abandoned or clans destroyed during the night of the Kyuubi and again during the attack by Otogakure. There was more silence between these old walls these days than ever before, and there were still ghosts whispering their way through the older districts; strange sounds of distant laughter and conversations mumbling between the trees, echoing like memories.

Iruka looked up at the long ribbon of sky framed by the crumbling walls, watching the white fluffy clouds drift lazily in the high altitude trade winds. He breathed out and watched his breath cloud fade into the blue, smiling and wondering if Shikamaru was lying on the roof of the Nara compound, napping again. He breathed again and smiled in fond memory of his mother. _Dragon's breath, mother_, he thought._ Dragons in each of us._

It had been cool fall days like this that his mother, in between missions, would sit with him in the yard or in the forest next to rivers telling him stories and plying him with hot chocolate until he drifted off into a sleepy doze. His father would join them just as Iruka started slip away, announcing his arrival with the soft thump of his summoning scroll landing on the ground, large blunt-fingered hands coming to rest heavily on Iruka's head and ruffling his ponytail. It wouldn't be until his father arrived that Iruka felt safe and would sleep until woken for supper; often a thick stew or fish chowder made from recipes of his father's coastal home village. They'd only made the trip once before Kyuubi had come. His parents had always promised to take him back. He couldn't blame them, but he still felt regret at the broken promise.

Iruka could almost hear the trickle of the river and the breeze through the trees. He closed his eyes and stood, silhouetted by the sunlight peering down over high roofs and framed by soaring walls, listening for his mother's voice. He swayed slightly as a stray sunbeam touched him, warming him in its spotlight. A strangely soft humming winnowed its way through the alley and wrapped itself around him like the arms of a lover, making him inexplicably sad. A sudden zephyr tore through the leaves of bushes in the next compound over, flinging itself through a large crack in the wall and ruffling Iruka's ponytail. In that moment, he felt a helpless tear slip down his face.

A moment later, the breeze was gone and the sunbeam shifted again. Iruka opened his eyes looking around dazedly; eyes slightly glazed and lost. He took a shuddering breath, small clouds forming a dancing wreath around his face, and stepped forward.

He had only gone a few steps when something caught his ear and he paused mid-step, turning again to face the sky, head cocked curiously. A gentle, almost silent voice drifted past again, humming an ancient and wordless lullaby. Someone was behind the walls of one of the empty compounds.

Drawn like a rat to the piper of Hameln, Iruka found himself heading down one of the narrower alleyways, away from his initial direction. The haunting voice called him, almost desperately lonely. In the back of his mind, hesitation warred with curiosity, demanding to know if it was some kind of genjutsu. He pushed it down, having already performed a silent kai, unable to bear breaking the melody with his voice.

The last walled compound was slightly separated from the rest, opening outward to encompass both field and forest. It probably belonged to a very wealthy and powerful family and wasn't as tired looking as some of the others. It didn't have the same heavy sense of loss as the Uchiha compound, though it did carry an atmosphere of sorrow. The strange voice came dancing over the wall, beckoning Iruka; temptation as a sylph.

Hesitantly, he walked the length of the wall, feeling ancient wards reaching out to brush against his chakra. Strangely he felt no apprehension at their contact, only curiosity and an unbearably familiar warmth. It was a greeting. It was a homecoming.

He wondered who the wards belonged to that they knew him and would react in such a way. He had been in and out of many compounds and districts during his less-than-stellar youth, but this was one he couldn't remember having seen before. The walls, the soft golden brown of harvest-ripe wheat, looked like they'd never been painted, like they'd never need paint. The tiles forming the spine of the wall were the deep red of rich river clay and sloped into the distance like the back of a dancing dragon. The compound was massive, climbing upwards and clinging to the side of Hokage Monument. He really wondered how he'd never seen this place before.

He came upon the gate almost by accident. He'd been pacing alongside the wall, right hand outstretched to run along the chakra barrier, left buried in his satchel fingering the pommel ring of a kunai rigged with an explosive tag. The compound's wards had started to thrum and vibrate as if in glee, harmonizing with the strange humming that hadn't quite stopped. Iruka had been walking almost blindly, lulled by the humming and subtle vibrations, when the genjutsu released itself. One moment there'd been a soft golden wall shimmered over by pale blue-white chakra, the next there was a wide wooden gate with a faded nafuda nailed to its right, chakra barrier suddenly gone.

Iruka leaned forward to read the faded kana, feeling the giddy wards dancing around him and touching his chakra with glee. He traced the shallow indents with his fingers, freezing in sudden realization. はたけ. He'd found the compound of Sharingan no Kakashi.

As he took a step back, the wards shuddered in alarm and swarmed to close behind him. He turned in alarm at their sudden action only to realise the genjutsu tags had already reactivated. To the outside world, he was invisible. He was trapped against the gate of the Hatake compound and the humming, he realized with horror, had stopped.

"You might as well come in," a quiet baritone rang out through and over the gate.

Iruka's eyes widened and he turned back to face the gate. As if by some unspoken will, they swung open silently to reveal a sprawling and surprisingly well-groomed lawn. The wards almost seemed to giggle and pressed against his back, pushing him forward and closing the gate behind him. Iruka was left standing in the courtyard looking completely lost.

A large traditional style home lay on the expanse of grass surrounded by skeletal cherry trees and bright red Japanese maple. It sprawled indolently like a kind of Bodhisattva, shoji doors wide open like blankly staring eyes; watching and waiting. To his left he could see the lower wall separating the housing compound itself from the rest of the compound property; bright red in stylized form marking a jagged line between the grass of the lawn and the wild lea and forest beyond. Hatake Kakashi, it seemed, owned a rather sizeable piece of heaven.

"Don't just stand in the front," came the soft voice again. "Come round the back."

Iruka turned in surprise at the voice. He felt completely lost and just a bit enchanted. For a moment, he stood indecisively, still fingering his kunai before letting it go. The wards chittered happily at him, reaching over the wall to tug at him playfully and push him towards the corner of the house, following a pathway made from large stones laid in the grass.

He came around the rear corner of the building to find himself in a well-manicured, if not a bit wild, garden. A small section of gravel was carefully raked in the stylized swirl of a classic Zen garden around a large stone lantern. Stubby purpled plum trees leaned out between black twisted cherry trees, branches similarly bare. More Japanese maple splashed brightly against the green of squat pines. A small river burbled out from the mouth of a stone Fu dog rearing out from a wall. Small decorative bridges crisscrossed its snaking form in bright lines of white and red. The river itself emptied out into a somewhat large pond in a series of small waterfalls. With a start, Iruka realised he'd found the source of the water he'd been hearing since the last district over.

Smooth stones formed the perimeter of the pond, invaded intermittently by small stone lanterns, some framed by large boulders that stood sentinel over the water. Bright white, gold, and red koi darted in and out of the reflections of the sky. Every so often the dark shadow of a black one would ghost over the dark green of the pond floor. A stone bench rested under a soaring oak silk tree, branches spindly and sparsely leaved. Sitting in front of the pond, leaning against a huge black dog resting against the bench, sandaled feet propped against the stones by the pond, minus vest and hitai-ate, well-worn neon orange book lying open on his stomach, was the infamous Copy Nin. Sprawled on and around him were an assortment of dogs, all wearing cheerful blue vests with a henohenomoheji embroidered on a white circle and hitai-ate on their necks as collars.

"Ah, I'm sorry for intruding, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka murmured, flushing slightly as he bowed. His eyes widened as they met the heavily ringed, droopy-eyed gaze of a small dog with a high crest atop his head like a cockatoo's, or a certain Uchiha heir's famous "duck-butt" hairstyle. The 忍 kana on his forehead confirmed his status as ninken.

The dog wriggled its vest clad body before rearing up on its hind legs to rest its forepaws on Iruka's knee. Iruka was frozen hunched over as the dog's nose almost touched his. His mouth gaped as he tried to think of something to say. The dog solved his dilemma for him.

"You smell nice," it said.

"I-Uh… Thank you," Iruka said as a question. The dog was apparently a male with a surprisingly deep voice for such a little body.

"I'm Bisuke," the dog went on. "Do you give good scratches?"

"I think I do, but I'm not sure-"

"Don't harass him, brat," came an even deeper voice.

Iruka looked up to meet the dour gaze of a flat-faced pug sitting on one of the large boulders. His confused expression eased into the warmth of genuine recognition.

"Konnichiwa, Pakkun," he murmured. "Sashiburi, da ne."

Pakkun hmm-ed in agreement before barking again, "Brat, get off him."

Bisuke ignored Pakkun, turning his head only briefly to stick his tongue out before looking up adoringly at Iruka again, tail wagging frantically. Iruka looked down, helpless against the plea in those tired-looking eyes.

"Um, Kakashi-sensei, may I-," Iruka asked nervously, looking towards Kakashi. The Copy Nin looked at him blandly through his heavy-lidded eye, utter boredom and disinterest apparent in his intense stare. He said nothing for a moment, just watching Iruka fidget slightly in discomfort.

"Do what you will," he said quietly, never taking his eye off Iruka.

"Um, right then," Iruka muttered, holding his satchel back and leaning down to pet Bisuke.

"Oh man! Yeah!" Bisuke leaned into Iruka's touch, tail a blur. "You are too good, sensei!"

Pakkun leveled a droopy eye at Bisuke's back before grumbling that he had softer fur. Iruka looked up, surprised, then smiled and scooped Bisuke up in his arms before going to stand by Pakkun.

"If you wanted attention, you could have just asked," he said with amusement. Pakkun gave a grouchy grunt, but still cocked his head eagerly.

The dogs around Kakashi perked up at seeing the attention their brothers were receiving. The black giant Kakashi was leaning against whimpered and wriggled its tiny tail in a frenzy. Kakashi rested a hand on its head and scratched idly.

"Why aren't you at the Academy, sensei," Kakashi asked mildly. Iruka felt his face heat in embarrassment.

"There was an incident with an Inuzuka. There was something of a mess and we had to evacuate the building."

"So that's what Makige-kun was snickering about last night." Kakashi's bored expression didn't change. "You're still wet."

"Er, yes well, there was a lot of water," Iruka muttered, tugging at a damp sleeve in discomfort.

"Leave your satchel. There are dry clothes just inside the door of the house. Change into them. There's no reason to be uncomfortable."

Iruka gaped a little in astonishment. Bisuke leapt to the ground and barked once saying he was happy to lead the way. A bespectacled ninken appeared at his side and started nudging him in the direction of the building. Iruka, dumbfounded and confused, slowly made his way to the house, a small swarm of blue-clad dogs suddenly dancing around his feet. He didn't notice the razor-sharp gaze that followed him out of sight.

"Boss, are you sure you know what you're doing," Pakkun questioned from his perch on the boulder, never turning his gaze from the door. "He's too good for whatever game you think you can play."

"Be quiet, Pakkun," Kakashi murmured, idly tossing a few small scraps of bread to the koi. A strange swirl of rainbows boiled briefly under the surface, mouths gasping as they broke the surface to suck at the bread. Koi in unnatural colors flopped and flashed over each other; jewel-bright purples, jade greens, sky blues, soft baby pinks, silvered greys, and glowing whites mingled with the normal orange, black, red, and gold.

Pakkun grunted, not bothering to spare Kakashi a glance. He knew the expression of his master wouldn't have changed anyway. That man wore masks both over and under that black piece of fabric on his face. There was no seeing underneath the underneath.

His ears perked up as Iruka appeared in the doorway again, Bisuke and Akino dancing embarrassingly at his feet. He really liked the guy, but he wasn't so sure what kind of influence Kakashi would have on him. He loved his master, but his master had a way of breaking the people around him. The loud-mouthed sensei was something special. He only hoped he was strong enough to bend when Kakashi pushed without breaking. The brat needed someone in his life to push back and to teach him to bend without breaking himself. Plus Iruka had the nicest hands for scratching the best places. He was some kind of belly-rubbing, ear-scratching genius.

Iruka made his way back toward the pond, minus his satchel, vest, and hitai-ate, tugging uncomfortably at the ultra-soft fabric of his borrowed jumper. He was curious as to why Kakashi had led him here and why he'd had clothes waiting. He was entirely suspicious of the situation, but then again, Kakashi was known to walk his own path, lost little old ladies, cats up trees, and all.

"Arigatou gozaimasu, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka bowed formally, forcing himself to stop petting the fabric. It was ridiculously soft and silky for a uniform and he couldn't help himself.

"It's nothing, sensei. Make yourself at home," Kakashi said, eye already on the Icha Icha open before him.

Iruka paused, slightly uncomfortable as he looked around, fingers already tangling themselves in the hem of the shirt again. He unconsciously stroked a bit of fabric between his forefinger and thumb in a mindlessly repetitive motion. He didn't notice the lazy eye that latched itself to the motion of his fingers, dark with hidden emotion.

"Sensei, come," Bisuke barked happily as he wriggled and hopped his way towards Kakashi.

Iruka blinked with a slow-dawning horror in response.

"Sensei, please come to meet our brothers," Akino said in his precise and polite voice. Iruka couldn't refuse. He nodded and approached the dogs lazing in the shade.

A lean tan and white dog stretched himself sleekly, stretching his jaws wide in a lazy yawn. He peered at Iruka from his bandage-covered face, then smiled toothily before introducing himself as Uuhei, the runner. A pair of wild-eyed dogs rolled on their sides to eye him, one with a dark mass of fluffy hair projecting like a flame from the top of his head, the other, a white dog with a feral grin. The white one merely lolled his tongue out over sharp canines and pulled his jowls back wider in a wild smile before introducing himself as Urushi. The other dog rolled on his back, eyeing Iruka while upside down before loudly declaring his name to be Shiba. A sporty looking dog with an expression suspiciously similar to Naruto's pranced up to Iruka before squinting at him in that mischievous way of Naruto's before declaring that his name was Guruko and that he was in dire need of a belly scratch.

As Iruka bent down, still a little dazed, to scratch his belly, a heavy 'whump" came from Kakashi's direction, startling him. He looked up from scratching Guruko's belly to meet the watery, droopy-eyed gaze of an enormous black bull dog. They stared at each other for a while, Iruka still mindlessly scratching away at the spunky little dog. Then the huge dog let out a high pitched whimper and wriggled slightly, forepaws digging into the grass as he tried to move closer to Iruka without dislodging Kakashi. Kakashi just patted the dog on his head and muttered a half-hearted "down boy" before turning a page in his book. The dog slumped and gave Iruka the biggest, saddest-eyed stare he'd ever seen. Pakkun grunted in annoyance and introduced the dog as Bull before telling Iruka to 'just ignore the slobbery beast'. Bull only lolled out a long red tongue in response.

Iruka suddenly felt more at ease, smiling slightly at the oversized dog. Hatake Kakashi was an aloof legend, but summons reflected the true spirit of a ninja summoner. A person with such spirited summons, especially dog ones, could not be anything but a good person. That Kakashi hadn't left Naruto in a hole somewhere during their first days of training attested to his degree of patience as well.

"I didn't know anyone still occupied these old compounds," Iruka said hesitantly, still crouched over Guruko. The eyes of the dogs lit curiously on him, though the eye of their master never strayed from his book.

"Maa, I come here sometimes. It's good for the dogs," Kakashi said absently, turning a page then flicking another few pieces of bread into the water.

"I see," Iruka murmured, eyes glued to the ripples caused by the surfacing fish.

"Kamon was curious about you," Kakashi suddenly said in response to Iruka's unspoken query.

"Kamon?"

"Mmm, the Hatake warding," Kakashi said, laying his book on his stomach and breaking more bread.

"Ah, I see," Iruka said thoughtfully, recalling Kaemon, the Uchiha ward system. It had been left weak in the wake of its clan's decimation. The only essences of it left were in the kaenmen that marked the entrance to the different compounds of the district. It barely remembered him and was like a feral thing, lashing out at anyone it had never met before.

It was not uncommon for clans to have specific wards developed for their Kekkai Genkai or to coordinate with their house techniques. The wards themselves were often named for a clan's most desired qualities and tended to wax and wane with the power of the house itself, acting almost as sentient beings. Iruka was familiar with all of them since he had taught at least one child from each clan before. He knew Kanshumon and Kagemochi, the Hyuuga and Nara ward systems, were far more friendly towards each other than the clan houses themselves, sometimes sending up a rainbow of chakra as they played together like children. That Kakashi had managed to maintain such a strong and vibrantly emotional ward system by himself, even when he spent much time apart from the compound, was a greater indicator than anything else of his true strength.

Iruka wondered what other ward systems Kamon had been in contact with that it had known about him. The Hatake compound was deep in the older, more abandoned districts and the surrounding compounds' wards had dulled to being almost mindless sentinels. They had probably forgotten their own names by now.

Ketsumei, the incredibly vocal and most active of all wards, might have been the one that had been telling Kamon. It, like its Inuzuka clan holders, was wild and tended to send stray tendrils far from its home compound. Some nights, it seemed to howl at the full moon, vibrating with such joy that children were left hyperactive and unable to sleep. Even though it was clear across the village, its restless actions might have caught the attention of the apparently curious Kamon.

"The boss brings home memories of you," Bisuke said, almost in awe, leaning adoringly against Iruka's leg.

"Memories," Iruka questioned, stunned and curious.

"We can taste them on his chakra," Guruko said mischievously. "Every time you meet, he steals -"

"Guruko," came a steel-edged warning from Kakashi. Guruko just grinned in that wild Naruto way up at Iruka. He might have winked, but Iruka couldn't say seeing as his eyes were squinty with glee.

Urushi seemed to cackle, sharp fangs snapping wildly. Shiba wriggled on his back joyfully, tilting his head to eye Iruka at a more proper angle, then rolling with laughter once more. Pakkun rolled his eyes and grunted with what might have been grudging amusement. Bull started wriggling again when he saw his brothers' amusement and Kakashi sighed inaudibly, resting a hand on Bull's flank.

"Pakkun has also mentioned you," Akino said when his brothers had finally calmed. "Though Ketsumei is rather loud and spoke well of you when you first began teaching Kiba."

"You mean he practically told the whole village about the feisty Academy teacher that had managed to catch his Kiba sneaking in Akamaru that first day," Urushi almost howled with laughter. "And the DETENTION Kiba got! Even Tsume approved!"

Iruka flushed slightly, unaware the ward systems had been gossiping about him like that. Kakashi's eye focused, without his awareness, on his face and didn't look away.

Guruko scrambled to his feet and bounced around a few times eagerly.

"And Naruto always talks about you! We only met him once and he STILL talked about you! Sensei, you're amazing!" He yapped excitedly.

"Amazing enough to not have killed the brat and to somehow make him focus on something other than ramen," Pakkun grunted.

Iruka rubbed at the scar on his face with embarrassment, fingers still tangled in the shirt hem. Around them, Kamon almost purred with enjoyment, sending tendrils of chakra to pet Iruka's hair and pat the dogs.

"Pakkun says nice things about you," Urushi said lazily.

"Oh?" Iruka looked at the grouchy pug. Pakkun snorted and muttered something unintelligible.

"We spend lots of time here," Bisuke said in a strangely childlike fashion. "Kakashi comes and you're clinging to him, so we know you. You touch everyone around you. Everyone carries a little bit of you on them. We can taste you on his chakra. Kamon can taste you."

Iruka thoughtfully gazed at Kakashi, patting Bisuke absently. He stood, brushing the wrinkles from his lap and detangling his fingers from the shirt with a slight blush.

Kakashi's eye followed him boldly and without shame.

"I didn't know I was so famous," Iruka muttered with a light and nervous chuckle.

"Don't think so lowly of yourself, sensei," Kakashi said quietly. "You survived Naruto and those other brats. You're practically a hero."

"They're not so bad," Iruka smiled fondly. Kakashi's eye seemed to sharpen and behind him, Bull rolled his eyes to look at Kakashi, enormous mouth panting happily. Akino took that moment to nudge the backs of Iruka's knees, pushing him towards the pair under the tree.

"Um, but why would you bring me here, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka asked, stumbling forward a little at the push. He turned to glare at Akino who managed to cast him the most innocent look a sunglasses-wearing dog could.

"Why not? The dogs wanted to see you. Kamon wanted to meet you. You were in the area. Kismet." Kakashi didn't take his eye off Iruka, but he did start tossing bread to the fish again.

"Ah, but…" Iruka didn't know how to or if he even wanted to bring up the issue of the clothes. He decided it would be too awkward. "Never mind. You have koi?"

Kakashi's eye drifted down to the pond as a swirl of fish pushed up and out of the surface. Soft blue scales shone silver in the sun as one koi slid over the backs of its schoolmates.

"Hmm."

Iruka, nudged alternately by Akino and Guruko, came to stand by Kakashi, fingers already finding themselves twisted in the shirt hem again. Bisuke sat, leaning against Kakashi's stomach, looking up at Iruka.

"Sit, Iruka-sensei," he called happily. Bull turned his massive head, straining up and whimpering slightly, clearly begging for a scratching.

Iruka bowed awkwardly again to Kakashi before squatting to scratch Bull's wide jaw. The dog made joyful noises, kicking a hind leg slightly. Urushi's grin seemed to grow wider and he dragged himself closer, stretching his hind legs slightly during the move. Shiba rolled to face them, watching them while lying down, secrets swirling in his wild eyes.

"Bull's the baby," Pakkun said, trotting to join them.

"Oh, really?" Iruka wasn't terribly surprised. Small pups had a way of growing beyond anyone's expectations.

"He fit in Kakashi's glove," Guruko cackled raspily, obviously remembering a tiny Bull and finding the idea ridiculous.

In response, Bull just lolled his head happily, pressing into Iruka's hand. Iruka barely registered Kakashi shifting before Guruko planted his paws on Iruka's backside and sent him tumbling forward, face almost in Kakashi's lap. Urushi howled and rolled in the grass, laughing uncontrollably. Shiba grinned widely and snickered in a gasping way. Uuhei just smiled slowly and shook his head.

Gasping, Iruka pushed himself up onto all fours, face burning with embarrassment, hair pulling loose and tumbling out of his hair band to complete his dishevelment. Kakashi merely raised an eyebrow, torso caged by Iruka's arms. Bisuke lay his head on Kakashi's stomach, looking up at Iruka's face, grinning.

"Hey, Iruka-sensei! Boss' lap is nice, huh," he asked mischievously.

"I, uh, I…" Iruka struggled to scrambled off Kakashi without touching him unduly. Kakashi made no move to help.

It took Akino pulling on the seat of Iruka's borrowed pants to dislodge him from his thoroughly embarrassing situation. Iruka plopped down next to Kakashi, face a magnificent shade of red, hands closed into fists twisted in the now, much-abused shirt hem, legs spread akimbo, staring at the pond in determined shame.

"Brats, all of you," Pakkun muttered, climbing in Iruka's lap and looking up under his fall of hair. "Oi, forget about it, kid. They just like to make trouble."

Kakashi eyed Iruka without saying anything for a moment. He then looked at his book, holding it up to inspect it for a moment before memorizing the page and closing it. His eye drifted back over Iruka as he reached out a hand and poked Iruka in the shoulder.

"Maa, what's this? Embarrassed over such a small thing? After all the different ways you've yelled at and pranked misbehaving Nin? I know it was you who tainted all the shampoo in that store with hair dye that one time."

Iruka flinched, risking a sideways glance through his hair, fingers twitching uncontrollably in the shirt.

"You knew?"

"Maa, not at first. You're really clever. I think I'm the only one that knows. It's the nose," Kakashi said, tapping at his mask-covered nose. "It knows."

Iruka couldn't help but to roll his eyes. In his lap, Pakkun let the ghost of a smile cross his grouchy face. He turned, leaning against Iruka's stomach, to face the pond.

"Relax, kid. You worry too much," Pakkun grumbled, smiling to himself again as he felt Iruka ease back a little.

"Your puns are terrible, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka shot back, smiling a little as he flipped his hair back. Bull whined happily as Iruka leaned gently against him.

"You just don't recognise my genius," Kakashi said blandly, eye still locked on Iruka. "It comes with time."

Iruka snorted at that, detangling his fingers from the mangled shirt so he could bring some order to his hair. Kakashi's eye followed the movement of his fingers as he tied his hair in a loose, low ponytail.

Guruko nudged a bag of bread into Iruka's hand with that same squinty-eyed, cheeky expression he'd been wearing all along.

"What you came here for," was all he said before forcing his way under Iruka's arm and leaning against his side.

"What I came here for?"

"We wanted you to spend some time with us," said Akino, sitting precisely and almost at-attention next to the pond a short distance away.

"The boss likes to feed the fish," Uuhei mumbled, stretching in a sunbeam. "- thought you'd like to as well. I hear it's very…" He yawned a little. "Relaxing."

Iruka looked askance, but Kakashi's eye was already trained steadily on the ripples of the pond. Iruka could feel the burning stares of Urushi and Shiba who'd gone back to lazing in the shade, dappled by sun peeking down through the spidery arms of the oak silk tree. He huffed a little, watching his breath steam in the air before fading. It was even cooler under the tree than it had been in the sun. It didn't seem to bother Kakashi at all though. Iruka wondered if the man had copied a jutsu for raising his internal core temperature. He never seemed to be affected by the elements like a normal person would.

"Do you feed the fish often, Kakashi-sensei?"

A lazy, half-lidded eye made its way to Iruka's face before sliding away again. Kakashi shrugged, though it could have easily been him shifting his weight.

"It's become a thing," he said after a while. Iruka waited, turning to face the pond again.

Bisuke grunted as Kakashi's hand found the crest on his head and started scratching gently. Kakashi's other hand dug some bread crumbs out of a cloth bag at his side and he started to flick some at the pond. A baby-pink koi leapt out to catch a piece of bread, falling in slow motion to land with a gentle splash. Iruka's brow crinkled.

"Kakashi-sensei," he started hesitantly. "What kind of fish do you have in there exactly?"

Kakashi seemed to ponder the weight of the world for a moment, eye trained heavily on the pond, fingers rolling a piece of bread between them until it crumbled to dust. Behind Iruka's back, Bull's head turned slightly to eye Akino whose forepaws had started to tremble imperceptibly.

"Maa, you know, sensei," Kakashi trailed off. "Sometimes you start things on a whim, then they just become something you do…"

Iruka didn't understand, but he had patience by bounds. He could outwait the Copy Nin. He had a feeling it would be worth it. He had a feeling Kakashi needed it. Apart from them, Urushi and Shiba flopped to lean on each other, eyeing the group under the tree.

"I've done a lot of things; seen a lot of things," Kakashi said lowly, almost silent. "I've done things most people wouldn't be able to stand. I've done a lot of terrible things; hurt people that didn't deserve it. My hands are filthy; tainted."

Kakashi glanced down to stare at his fingers, dusted with bread crumbs. Bisuke shifted under Kakashi's hand, laying large droopy eyes on those fingers sadly. He flicked out a small tongue to kiss the tips of Kakashi's fingers before turning his gaze to Kakashi's masked face. Kakashi seemed to wake as if from a dream, slowly rubbing his fingers together, sloughing off the detritus.

"It's a curse of our duty," he went on, as if he'd never stopped. "With one hand, I serve our village. I'm saving the people I've pledged to protect; helping to keep them innocent. With the other…"

Kakashi stopped again to stare at his right hand, pale fingers sticking out of his gloves, long and thin like limp worms- his usual Chidori-generating hand. Pakkun's head swiveled slightly, enough for him to watch Kakashi out of the corner of his eyes. Bisuke's eyes latched onto that hand as Guruko peeked around Iruka's torso. Akino's trembling had traveled up to his elbows making him lift his paws in light repetitive motions like a dance.

"Well, I'm sure you've heard stories," Kakashi hadn't stopped staring at his hand. Iruka was overcome with the need to hold Kakashi close and never let go. He took in the sight of the powerful Copy Nin, head bowed and looking completely lost. He felt terrible, seeing such a thing. Guruko shifted against Iruka's side, pressing closer and sliding his head to rest on Iruka's lap.

"Some of the lives I've taken… those people were innocent. Even in war, when you take the lives of enemies, you're taking the lives of people who've made similar oaths to protect their villages. It all depends on what side of the line you're standing. That line blurs more often these days.

"I see those kids, those brats I'm supposed to be teaching, and I have to wonder what I'm doing. I'm not cut out to be a teacher. I mean… I'm teaching them to be like me. You and I are so different. We're teaching those innocent kids terrible things, but we're teaching them different things in different ways. You're teaching them to be safe; to live, and I- I'm corrupting them."

Iruka let out a shaky breath, white puffs swirling in front of him. Bull let out an low, unconscious sound, eyes still locked on Akino who hadn't quite stopped shaking. Pakkun closed his eyes, inhaling slowly before letting out a slow smoky breath himself. Iruka clenched his teeth slightly, willing himself not to speak, fingers of one hand worrying the shirt hem again, the other burying itself in Guruko's ruff.

"I'm haunted, sensei. I'm haunted by all my sins. They're so heavy and I'm tired." Kakashi's eye drifted up to stare at the pond again. Bisuke nudged his hand before stilling again. "I guess I just needed something mindless to do, so I came here. It's quiet; quieter than it used to be. I didn't know anything was left of this place until Pakkun led me here, delirious and blood blind after a mission. The boys have kept this place alive this whole time. I promised to never come back, but I think they knew I'd need this."

Shiba and Urushi blinked in sleepy unison, eyes still sharp and wild with dark secrets. Their heads dropped to lie on each other's flanks as if in sudden exhaustion. Urushi panted hard a few times, hot breaths white in the yellowing sun. Akino's trembling subsided a little, though his anxious soft stepping was starting to worry at Iruka's periphery.

"I woke up the next morning, weak as a baby, and I thought I was done for. I wanted to go to the Hokage and just quit everything. I'd just killed a whole bunch of kids, just because a client was afraid of what they might become.

"What's the cost of a life that you can buy someone's for a few hundred ryo? My life must be worth ten times the value of all those stolen lives just in the currency of vengeance and grief alone. We're killing them, but they're killing us in return," Kakashi remarked bitterly, pausing again to fling a somewhat sizeable piece of bread harshly at the pond. Akino started to shake again and Pakkun's eyes slid open to coast over him. Akino subsided a little.

"I was almost deaf and blind from the memories. I would have gone crazy if it wasn't for the dogs. One day, they dragged me out here and left me. I was weak and angry and they left me with a bag of bread and my demons," Kakashi seemed to smile bitterly under his mask. "Crazy hounds."

Akino's trembling began to travel up his legs again and Bull subtly stretched his neck in Akino's direction. Pakkun watched his pack mate from under droopy lids, silent.

"They saved me," Kakashi murmured, fingers finding their way back into the cloth bag to flick pieces of bread at the fish again. "The sound of the waterfalls and the wind through the trees came to drown out the sound of my ghosts. Kamon sang to me lullabies my mother used to sing that I'd long forgotten. I lay here under this tree for hours with only the boys and the sound of water to keep me company.

"Just when I'd thought there was nothing else, the first fish jumped and it was beautiful. They're just so graceful and mindless and beautiful. They ask for nothing in this world. They just want to swim and breathe and eat… make more of themselves. Feeding fish is a very peaceful past time, you know."

Kakashi tossed a few larger chunks of bread into the water, watching the surface roil with puckering mouths. Rainbows writhed in the dark water, breaking up the blue and white of sky and cloud. Akino's shaking stopped and faintly, Iruka could hear Kamon trilling and thrumming peacefully.

"It's a little stupid, but I suppose I'm just doing this for redemption. If I feed them, I'm doing a bit of good somehow. Maybe it's not too late. Maybe I can clean my soul, even just a little." Kakashi sounded more thoughtful than bitter this time.

"I don't think it's stupid, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka said quietly, eyes on the fish in the pond. His fingers had stopped strangling the shirt hem and were stroking it contemplatively instead. He'd started to stroke the spikey hair on Guruko's head, rubbing his back a little with each pass. "Whatever it takes. We're all just trying to make it. It means you're a better person; all this suffering. When you try to fix things, even in small ways, it just means you're getting stronger."

"Those are my regrets," Kakashi said softly, digging out a handful of crumbs. Iruka's eyes flew to Kakashi in question.

"Those strangely colored fish; they're my regrets. Each one represents an innocent life I've taken. Each one is a bad decision I've made. I've taken the lives of children. I've lied to good people, stolen their prized possessions, failed team mates… The only way I can live with myself is to do this.

"I copied a technique that allows the user to manifest chakra as a solid form. The Nin I copied it off became my first fish. He was just a kid that had only one ability; one he couldn't even control very well. I took his jutsu, then I took his life. It was just a mission, but he was also just a kid. I mean, he was old enough to kill, but he was barely older than those brats on Team Seven. He could have been my students. He could have been yours.

"I know it's our duty to obey blindly, but sometimes I wonder how heavy the cost is. I'd almost forgotten, but my father had a similar jutsu which I layered that kid's technique over. When I was a kid, this pond was full of fish that never needed feeding. I didn't think much of it until they disappeared one day. I guess the old man needed his own kind of redemption too." Kakashi trailed off before taking a deep, cleansing breath, a small hint of white manifesting itself briefly against the skin of his mask.

"My fish, unlike his, are real. They swim. They breathe. They eat. Maybe when I die, they'll disappear too, but until then, they're here. They need me and I'm doing something helpful for once, not destructive." Kakashi flicked some crusts into the water which the fish fought over, then seemingly grudgingly abandoned momentarily as being too hard.

"I never realised it before, but fish have personalities. They're kind of funny, actually. They're a lot like those brats of ours."

Iruka blinked at that. Akino had stopped shaking and made his way to Iruka's side, lying next to Guruko. Bull relaxed and shifted his head, almost touching Akino.

"We are shinobi. Everything we touch becomes tainted; can be corrupted into a weapon. We shed our innocence the moment we are born, the moment we decide our path. We can manipulate almost anything to our will: people, plants, fire, earth, water, wind, animals. But fish are mindlessly happy. That's something we can't touch. They're like what we might have been had we been born to different worlds. It gives me something to hope for."

Bull let out a happy sound, wriggling a little against the backs of the two men before settling down. Pakkun nodded sleepily, eyes closed, hitai-ate headband sliding down his wrinkles to nest at his neck. Bisuke's droopy eyes drooped lower as he nuzzled against Kakashi's stomach half-heartedly. Akino closed his eyes behind his sunglasses, finally calm and at ease. Shiba and Urushi closed their eyes and breathed softly in relief, white puffs surrounding their muzzles before blowing away like dandelions. Uuhei cracked open an eye for a moment, then let it slide closed again.

Iruka was left stunned and thoughtful. He'd only ever known Hatake Kakashi, the legend. Even living in the same village, being former teacher to his Genin team, had left him with no real impressions of the man himself. He looked sideways at the stoic man and his mess of dogs. He thought back to all the reasons he'd given the Hokage for why he'd opted to turn down the invitations to ANBU and to take the Jounin exam. He thought of the faces of his students and of his parents. His hand stroked down Guruko's back and met the rough cloth of the bread bag.

"Kakashi-sensei," he murmured quietly. Kakashi's eye riveted on him instantly, curious and dark with secrets and heavy emotions. "Would you be able to teach me that jutsu you created; the one that lets you make fish?"

Kakashi tilted his head in a silent question and Iruka pulled a handful of bread pieces from the bag.

"I think I need a little saving too."

From Iruka's lap, Pakkun smiled beatifically and grunted with pleasure, eyes closed. Bull whuffed quietly and twitched a leg. Urushi smiled, eyes closed, stretching out sideways. Shiba rolled on his back to expose his belly to the gold sun, mouth slightly agape in a smile. Bisuke wriggled a little in his sleep as Kamon trilled happily and wound chakra tendrils around the group like the hug of a parent.

Kakashi said nothing, but dusted his hands free of breadcrumbs and began to form the signs.

* * *

***** NOTES *****

Ninken

* Pakkun (パックン; the pug)

* Shiba (シバ; the one with the black crest on his head and crazy eyes)

* Bisuke (ビスケ; English TV "Biscuit"; little one with droopy eyes and 忍 mark on his forehead)

* Akino (アキノ; one with the sunglasses)

* Guruko (グルコ; little one with the hitai-ate on his forehead)

* Ūhei (ウーヘイ; one with bandages)

* Urushi (ウルシ; the white one with crazy eyes)

* Bull (ブル, Buru; the big bulldog)

Vocab Learnings X-post [ unjaundiced. livejournal. com /107750. html#cutid4 ]


End file.
